Sexual Purity is a Two -Way Street


An important question I’ve been asked by several women via Facebook, Twitter, and various conferences and panel discussions is, “Are there any men willing to accept a woman’s preference to pursue purity and remain celibate?” This question is asked in response to a perceived shortage of Christian men as suitable mates. It’s a valid question because many virtuous women wonder if placing another requirement on their potential mate will cause a disconnection with him. Here is my response.



#1 Establish Clear Boundaries.

I’ve found that there are men in the Church who desire to live a life of sexual purity. They want to adhere to the commandments of God. A number of these men will require encouragement and accountability along the journey, but aren’t those key components of Christian discipleship anyway? My advice to anyone desiring to live a life of sexual purity is to outline your desires upfront. Establish clearly defined boundaries that can be communicated to any potential suitors in your life.


Establish clearly defined boundaries that can be communicated to any potential suitors in your life.



#2 Rely on the Holy Spirit

Men are generally known as visual creatures, and will undoubtedly encounter turbulence in the pursuit of purity. The main challenge is to be able to evaluate a man’s “true heart” and not become sidetracked if he experiences a “moment.” ALL men (including casual churchgoers, ushers, preachers, deacons, and other church leaders), have the potential to test boundaries if they allow their flesh to overtake their spiritual voice.


Similarly, I’d like to bring awareness to an ever-increasing number of women experiencing challenges in pursuit of sexual purity. As a singles ministry leader, I’ve witnessed these challenges. Although it may not be visually driven, an emotional void still has the ability to cause women to make unhealthy decisions.


Emotional voids still have the ability to cause women to make unhealthy decisions.

In both cases, it is imperative that the Holy Spirit be given full authority to guide decisions that keep us from making bad decisions.


#3 Submit to God’s Authority

Many people think they have to wait until everything is perfect before they can experience the manifestation of God’s blessing. Not true! Start with what you have. You are already enough and God has already equipped you to make a difference.

In his book, Wisdom Meets Passion, Dan Miller, President of 48 Days and Creative Thinker, says:

Start with what you have. If you wait until you have the confidence you need to do a job search, the education you need before you’re a great candidate, or the money you need to start a business, you’ll never start anything. Start today. Start walking toward your ultimate success.


#4 Don’t miss your tap on the shoulder.

Ask yourself this question, “Have I gained any advantage by giving myself sexually to the people in the past?” If you are currently unmarried and not a virgin, then the answer is “NO!” The people you have sexually connected to in the past have taken a piece of you that you can’t retrieve. Now, you only have experience to show for it.


At the end of the day, it takes two dedicated individuals to pursue sexual purity. When one is weak, the other one needs to be strong, and vice versa. There is a constant war between the flesh and the spirit; Paul describes it best in Romans 7:14-25Sexual purity is a two-way street, requiring the commitment of two individuals submitting to God’s authority. God always provides a way of escape for difficult and compromising situations.



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